There was nothing we could do.

Have you ever been alone
In a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Golden Tickets.

The KPMG Commerce Ball was...


full of guys in suits. 'Nuff said. ;)



And the JT tickets were sold out but we managed to get VIP ones for the newly released second show! YAYYYYYY!! AUD180 well spent. :)

Mommy dearest :)

Yay! Mom managed to snag the much sought-after "I'm Not a Plastic Bag" bag! One for me too! :)

Let's not kill the karma.

After a lengthy lunch discussion, I've finally come to the conclusion that you may have questions, but life often doesn't give you all the answers you need. But hey, if life gives me lemons, I'll make lemonade out of them (how that phrase came about is beyond me).

When enough is enough.

But I want to be fixed; undo the lies and the deceit that was the foundation of our destructive and toxic relationship. Make me believe that it wasn't built on unrealistic and unfulfilled hopes and expectations, lies and deceit, excuses and the lack of love for another but too much self-love to the point of excessiveness on the part of one individual. Someone told me friends who really care would never tell me, "I told you so". If that much is true, I'll feel safer moving out of my shell and forward.

"To Love; may we stay away from it when it's no good for us."

- Simone from Heroes

Accidents do happen/ my greatest fear.

Everything.
Everything came to a halt yesterday, as my world came crashing down.
(Sure, an inner look at my psyche..isn't that what you want? Keep reading then.)
I never thought Anyone to be capable of such insensitivity but apparently it is possible.
Sure, maybe I was still hanging on to some hope,
but that much is lost too;
you've proven yourself unworthy of my Hope, Time, and more.
What little Trust I had left in you has expired.
But it doesn't really matter because in the end,
I know it's nothing but time and a face that I've lost.
And nothing else.
No, no memories.
Don't worry.
You have proven yourself unworthy of petty allowances.
That only thing I have that really reminds me of you and the past 6 months will not be kept,
and I hope that if you even have any respect or regard for our ex-relationship,
you will stop wearing it too.
It's disgusting how you told me that was the only thing that kept you going.
I think I am going to gag.
What is that again?
Stop talking; your lies are making my ears bleed.
I know why you didn't call -
because you ran out of excuses.
Oh. And I can already picture you saying, "It's over. Why do I have to explain myself to you?"
That's just who you are - selfish, and irresponsible.
I wished you showed a little more tact.
It's not even been a month.
In fact, I wish a lot of things.
I wish I didn't repress myself to make you happy, really.
Why couldn't I cut my hair short, if I wanted to?
Why do I have to grow my fringe out, because you wanted it so?
Why do I have to be the one waiting at home whilst you party it up?
Why the hell did I have to reduce myself, so that I could make you feel better?
I shouldn't be sorry for the life I have. It's great. I have friends who love me, and family that (albeit mostly absent,) care. (At the risk of sounding pompous) I get almost whatever I want..I have the chance to study abroad. I get to go travelling if I like. I get freedom. I get a whole apartment by myself in the city because that's how I want it. And most of all, I get to go drink and party to my heart's content because I don't HAVE TO PLEASE YOU ANYMORE. To my friends I ever neglected because I was so focused in trying to fix an ultimately broken relationship, I am sorry. I will make it up to you somehow..the Ena you know and love is back! :)


P.S. You being ever so concerned with your (public) image in front of my friends..it really is ironic that I didn't have to do or say anything for them to have an altered opinion of you. You are your own destructor.

04:30.

This night, I went to bed in the tshirt you left behind.
Right before I fell into slumber, I thought about the way your hair smells like after you fix it, the way you used to stare at me, your sleepy eyes in the morning, the way my fingers fit snug in your large overworked smoke-stained hands, your obsessive coke-for-water habit, our firstkiss, our first fight, followed by all our petty quarrels, and then of our entire dysfunctional relationship.
And then I stopped, remembering what you said and how my heart dropped at that moment; "memories don't mean a thing".
And although accompanied by some fallen tears, a faint smile carefully broke; I am sentimental like that.
Then I heard,

tung tung -

the sound of emptiness

(and the pet name of one).

Don't say you love me, I don't believe it.

If its right,
If its wrong,
Would someone let me know?
It's the game,
I can't play,
Do I just let you go?
Maybe it's just the way it is
cos I get the feeling, that you know it's over.

Don't say you love me,
I don't believe it.
Don't say the words,
If you don't mean it.
Don't want to hear it
Out in the open,
Keep it inside,
If you don't mean it.

Think of thou, I shalt not.
Slave of my passion, no longer.
The shackles that held me down are now broken,
Motion in a line and only a line;
raging fires shall now cease to burn,
your cold indifference the Flame's extinguisher.
Rest now, weary Heart,
you have taken more than you can bear.

The world was a mess but his hair was perfect.

The best news I've received since I turned 22 has got to be that Justin Timberlake's Australian tour includes Melbourne! But then, dearest Justin, you may be bringing sexy to Melbourne but you're breaking my heart; why 5th Nov?? Why the start of the exam period?? :( Oh, I also have to say I am really both pleased and surprised at the sheer volume of birthday wishes I got this year, in the form of local+international texts and calls, friendster and facebook messages; thanks for remembering, everyone! I know I am loved. :) The party extends til tonight, and photos will be up and proper after the weekend. But for now, sneak a peek at the (mostly, with the exception of one guy) all girls dinner party at Tony Starr (great food albeit limited menu, excellent choice of cocktails!) on The Day itself ;

Veuve: "Moet who?"

Aww my girls dressed up! :)

Le Cam-whore ;

Whoopeedoo! - happy birthday to my dearest daddy too!

Are thou a Lover in conceit?

"...liking, falls widely short of love. Love, is what we can neither resist, expel, nor even alleviate, if we should ever so vigorously attempt it... Liking is a flashy flame, which is to be kept alive only by ease and delight. Love, needs not this fewel to maintain its fire, it survives in absence, and disappointments, it endures, unchilled, the wintry blasts of cold indifference and neglect, and continues its blaze, even in a storm fo hatred and ingratitude, and reason, pride or a just sensibility of conscious worth, in vain oppose it."

- Love in Excess, Eliza Haywood

Since everyone often wonder what constitutes love and what it is that makes us love despite circumstances, I thought I'ld share a quote I find to be almost adequate of love's nature.

"It's not about how you fall, but how you land."

Despite being incredibly sick, I managed to accomplish quite a number of things over the weekend; on Sat I went down to Fed Square for the Pixar exhibition which was a real eye-opener:

• there are 3 elements to a successful animation: character, story, and world;
• the Zoetrope was amazing (3-D effects simply just by spinning a platform fast enough);
• as the people behind the scenes assert, it's all about 'making something unbelievable out of something that seems fantasy-like';
• you get to see sketches of the 'before' process (pastel and pencil sketchings, mostly) and these sketches highlight the tedious thought and formulation process that goes before an animation is finished! there was at least 10 different Edna Modes conceptualized, although thank God for the resulting one which I love much ("ed.nah")!
• we also got some sneak peeks of Ratatouille! :D
  
• i hate talented people. :( i can't even draw a proper stick figure!
  

Words simply don't do the exhibition justice, so if anyone has the chance they should totally go down to check out this themselves! Lunch was late and a heavy one at Shanghai Dumpling House, and we totally over ordered - 1 plate of fried dumplings, a bowl of steamed dumplings in soup, a szechuan hot&spicy soup, and a superduperspicy Tan Tan la mien! Basically food unsuitable for a person as sick as myself. But ah! Guilty pleasures I just can't keep away from! ;)


Sunday was lazy and sleepy, and I caught up with my ex-floormates over dinner at Papa Gino's on Lygon (always a favorite!). We proceeded to gelati at Freddo's (which I refrained from!) and then ended up at Jason's new pad for a short while. Right after everyone had to leave, I went over to Damien's place to get the remaining Ugly Betty episodes (which I have been obsessing over since Fri!!!) and put them on as soon as I got home! I really should stop the UB binge, because it's costing me precious sleep...

Me and the real Miss Swan.

I don't care that I just spent AUD85 bucks on a mani-pedi. I mean, it's my birthday next week and I deserve some pampering. But the bitch at the place just ruined my entire weekend I hope her shop closes down! Man, that is the same place that gave me some seriously hideous burns the last time I waxed my brows there. I really should've known better than to have gone back; damn me and second chances!! Here's the story (you can tell me if you think she is right and it is all my fault later) about my encounter with the REAL Miss Swan (10, 000 times more a bitch though; the manicurist is from a certain less developed neighboring country with an accent comparable to Miss Swan's):

I went in asking for a 'Full Set' thinking it was both a mani- and a pedi-. I mean, can you blame me?? 'Full Set' on your shop window is just soooo misleading no?! The first thing she said was, "Acrylic or gel?" I've never been to this place before so I thought maybe they had a different way of doing manicures, hence I replied, "Err. Gel?" And then she started cutting my nails (?!) and buffering them (complete with an electric device!), right before she stuck fake acrylic nails onto my own!! I was completed puzzled by now, because I hadn't ask to put fake nails on. So I proceeded to ask what she was doing, and what their manicure included. She told me ("cut, shape, polish, paint...") and I thought, "It is the same. So why is she sticking fake nails on me?!". So I asked, "I want the full set. mani and pedi ya?" (I made sure I implicitly referred to the full as both a mani and a pedi). She probably heard only the first part and not the question, because she said, "Ok, ok."

Later she told me that to remove these nails I would have to go back in and pay another AUD15 and that's when I remarked, "What? Why do I have to come back?". "To remof the nail," she replied.

(For ease of my storytelling, I shall attempt dialogue form henceforth)

Me: "Oh. Is this your regular manicure?"
Bitch #1: "Huh?! (insert Miss Swan voice!) NOH! Thiz iz full seT (emphasis on 'T')!"
Me: "Err. Ok. Plus the pedicure, right?"
B#1: "NOH!! Full SET!!" (she was getting very agitated)
Me *highly confused, as you can imagine*: "Ya...the 40dollars package that includes a pedicure?"
B#1: "NOH! Thiz iz full set! Only hand! Full set! Noh pedicure!"
Me: "But why would you call sticking fake nails a 'full set'? A full set of what??"
B#1: "Thiz!! Thiz iz full set no pedicure! Do you want thiz?? Or do you want manicure??"

She was almost shouting by now, and I really didn't want to agitate her further, cos it seems she didn't understand me very well at all. I meant to ask why they would not intend for 'Full Set' to mean both a mani- and a pedi-, but then she switched between thinking I was accusing her of cheating me and me changing my mind about what I wanted done halfway (which if were true would be a completely valid reason for her to get mad at me). I was so nice to even say it doesn't matter I stick with this AND a pedi, but she was ballistic boy! Crazy bitch then hollered - "IF YOU DUN UNDERSTAND NEX TIME THEN US (ask)!" To which I lost it and replied, "That's what I was trying to do! But you keep repeating yourself! That's NOT the answer to my question!"

Ok, enter Bitch #2, a younger girl who was evidently on #1's side; "what's wrong?" I tried to explain myself and the situation, #2 didn't do nothing to help, and then #1 muttered something in her language (which I assume was a curse word, BITCH) and #2 left. #1 continued buffing my nails with the electric device but she was hurting me and doing it so obviously reluctantly and violently. So I promptly went, "Look lady, if you don't want to do it then don't. I can just wait for the next person."

(I said everything in complete civility, I assure you).

She snapped - "Tat's eat (it)! Go seat (sit) there!" (points to a chair across from her)

So #2 does her job from then on, and poor girl got snapped at by #2 later! This one girl was drying her nails and accidentally touched something (THAT FUCKING HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, trust me) and so she came back asking if #2 could please fix it. #2 rolled her eyes and replied coolly, "I told you it wasn't dry! *slight pause* I can't fix it I'm busy now!" When I turned the girl smiled sadly at me, and I shrugged as if agreeing, "The whole shop's a bitch!" I swear they were all out to get me because maybe, just maybe I undermined #1's comprehension of English; during my pedicure #2 filled the tub with BOILING water and then asked if it was ok. When I said it was boiling, she gave a faint smile and turned the water on. By now STEAM was fucking coming out; bitch put more hot water instead of cold then she forced my legs in!! She seemed pleased and continued the hot water stunt; later when she was rinsing my feet she (deliberately, I'm sure!) turned on the hot water AGAIN and went nonchalantly, "Oops. Sorry." RAHHH!!! I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE! AND NO ONE SHOULD EITHER! I shall not publish the name (it is in Melbourne Central though) in case I get sued for slander or something, considering the lack of tangible evidence on my part, but if anyone wants to know where it is I'm talking about drop me a message on MSN!

You're ; the answer that could never be found.

Early bird; it's been a while.

I hate starting at 9am and finishing by noon - I end up wandering around after class, which is highly evil! Not mentioning, I hate forcing myself out of bed in the morning! I literally have to go, "Come on, Ena. You have to get up now. You're going to be late. *pause, pause with eyes shut* COME ON!! NOW!!" Being hard on myself is something I don't particularly enjoy.

Case in point:
I took a 3-hr lunch break with the decandently sinful Koko Black and its Belgian Spoil and Hot Choc for dessert.
Then, on my way home, I walked past Jeans West and a top caught my eye.
So I went in.
You know, for a ''short browse".
Thank God, for I managed to defeat the shopaholic in me.
I walked out empty-handed until Smiggle across caught my eye and broke my winning streak; I ended up buying a AUD14.95 stationary set when all I really needed was a notebook which could really, have cost like 3 bucks at Big W or something.
ARGH consumerism I hate you!
(Although I do really want the Chanel earrings! And the red Tod's ipod case! And ipod speakers! And of course - the Fendi Spy!)

Lust-Haves of the Day:


This Swarovski necklace is on sale online..

To get, or not to get? I really like it!

Understated elegance in this simple piece.

Blingamajiggy.

What a consumerist slave I am! I shall wipe my drool off, take some medicine, watch Ugly Betty (really, my recent indulgence in this series must be the reason for my excessive lust after material commodities!!!), and then sleep some more.