Alone again, naturally.

"Why now? After all the deliberate hurting and the pain you tried to cause, there remains nothing but emptiness. You see the void there? It's empty. Emptiness is a lack of, emptiness is when you're missing something."

***

You're right, absolutely right. There is nothing left, but isn't that good? Cos I heard that that's the only thing that lasts forever. You did this, you took everything and threw it right out the window. This is not real love; love does not entail hurting someone. Love is all about acceptance, about embracing the good with the bad, and not losing 'it' when a bump occurs. It's about getting back on your feet when the bubble you were in burst, about going on in life whilst acknowledging another's mistake(s) and your own. And then being gracious enough to let it pass. That's true love for someone else. Scorn and bitterness cheapens love, and they are the two things that cause you to lose yourself; you forget who you were, you forget who you loved, and then you make the person you loved forget who you are and why they loved you in the first place. You brought on my Amnesia. I have nothing but disappointment, but I can't seem to remember how or when I started feeling this way. All I know is that this void is nagging, as you slowly fade away from my failing memory.

A bruised ego sure can wreck some serious havoc, and I need some time to recover. But why do you care? You never did, anyway. And you know what? Since you've 'washed your hands and feet clean', keep it that way. Don't soil them ever again. Not here, anyway.


Do you have to let it linger?

My favorite letter.

I always loved you, always cared.
No more hiding, no more repressing my feelings.
Because it's you (it has always been),

you're my favourite letter.

Be there.

Love me, or lose me.

Oopsy.

Whilst writing up my filmography for my essay, I wrote Rush Hour's director as 'Brat Ratner' instead of 'Brett Ratner'.

"Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me..."

Wah, I tell you now - I cannot wait for Thurs!!! World premiere of Pirates 3! Can't wait for more Depp and of course, Chow Yun-fat to say, "Welcome to Singapore" (this is 'haha'. It is in the trailer here too! Maybe it's an international trailer? Love and attention for Singapore!). I already told Alex, I am going to wear my pirate skull tshirt on Thurs!

Now, where did my hook go?

Another Chance (All Over Again).

Over the weekend...

No one seemed too surprised that me and J broke up; it is almost as though they were just waiting for that day. Although, however, I am surprised that Mom turned out to be the one with the biggest reaction (despite her slight disapproval initially). She went, "Huh?? Why? [...] How?" This is in direct contrast to the, "Oh, ok" (add shrug, or not) I got from the few who knew even. Thanks for the concern a special few have shown, I was definitely surprised at my own handling of the very tough situation. I held up fine for a couple of days, and then, well, me and J have decided to give us another shot; partly because we still want to (try to) be together, and partly because I decided that this might be a good chance for me to learn how to trust another. And then I realised - all the negativity, hate, and anger can in fact be curled into one big happy thought, that maybe it is possible for someone else to actually care. Also, if I (as a student of psychology) cannot learn to form functional relationships despite everything I know, what hope is there left for the world then?

So now, off I go.
Wish me luck.

I want my own puppy too!

Isn't she the sweetest?? Ollie's such a darling, I swear! Don't have a picture of Maya cos she's too atas and fridgety. But that didn't stop her from planting kisses and licking my hands when I was just sitting there. Such darlings! I want a Maltese too!! They are literally like (human) babies..Maya loves to be held like a baby, and she just rested her head on my shoulder whilst I carried her around heh heh. Ollie just stuck close whilst I was flipping through gossip mags. Gahhhhh!!!! I want!


And tonight, everything will be alright...

//edit.
If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

(I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)

You let me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

figure.09.

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say
I put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free
I, took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

Right now, linkin' park is me.


I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate, to say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So I'm breaking the habit, tonight.

If the shoe fits...

When you get a new pair of shoes, it's almost certain to hurt your feet in ways unimaginable to most (of the male species). They will never understand why girls have to wear shoes that don't fit well.

(I remember a guy friend once commenting on the then-trendy pointy heels, "How can they be comfortable? They're not even the shape of your feet! It's like you have to squeeze your poor feet into them!")

Self-torture then, I guess. Self-torture in exchange for looking good. And I, I have to admit I'm quite the advocate of self-torture-for-pleasure-or-looking-good. Which is unfortunate. Because that month-old pair of Nine Wests just refuses to be anymore comfortable; despite wearing it every so often, it still bites my last toes. The result? A persistent blister. But I refuse to stop wearing them. Because I am like that - I find that I like to contort myself and force myself into positions that may be uncomfortable and eventually destructive.


...then I'll wear it.

Happy Mommy's Day!

A very happy mommy's day to my mommy and all the mommys in the world! This is my mommy displaying the only thing she has passed down to me - her compulsive shopping habits!! :P

Whilst everyone else is watching BB...

I just found out about MADtv and boy, is it addictive! It's basically like parodies of popular culture; just youtube 'mad tv' if you please, and definite must-watch's are Nicole Richie's Pantene commerical, American Idol (check out the impression of Paula and Randy), Sluts & the City (parody of Sex and the City, of course), the Average Asian skits, and the Korean Drama parody (4 parts though so worth it; wey??; Huh?). I've included a few of the ones I couldn't stop laughing over this afternoon too. Oh, and the Korean Drama parody stars Sung Kang, the dude who dies in Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift! He is so funny as President on MADtv! Hahaha.

Ashlee Simpson and Lip-Syncing:


Memoirs of a Geisha:

"...of the same old crap".

Promiscuous Girl aka Syphillis Girl:


Stuart at a Chinese Restaurant:


Average Asian:

Asian: "I don't know any Ninjas."
American: "Ya, right!"

Good stuff to help kill boredom! Although, I really should be doing some work. Sulks* Alright, alright..just a few more clips...

Sometimes...

Spiderman 3 was such a kick-ass movie; despite many complaining about its length (nearly 2 and a half hours), I actually really enjoyed it! Loads of CG effects and it's all about the spectacle yada yada but I was completely immersed in the moment Peter Parker becomes this 'suave' (-wannabe) guy and walks down the street. I know many have not caught this yet, so I'll leave it at that before I launch into revealing plot details!! Poor Spidey though - he has so many villians to fight in this one. Must be tiring!!

Red is the new Black. Wait. Or is Black the new Red?

Wiggy kept going, "Spiderman in black - so sexy!!!"

Harry so sexy!! But outside Spiderman, he is such a mess.

Topher Grace from That 70's Show! He is forever dorky Eric to me! He is not evil!! Nooooo!!

Daai Cheung Foo (Men Suddenly in Black) is this extremely funny movie, introduced to me by Harv. It messes with generic conventions, and uses cross-generic elements in what's essentially a comedy. It's not exactly a spoof, but not a very serious movie with its own narrative either. In any case - highly recommended!


Collateral is so boring. I have it turned on in the background, just so there's activity in the apartment. I'm in my study typing this whilst Tom Cruise is shooting someone behind this wall. Yawns. Spare me, really.

It started like any other night. Ya, sure. Except this movie came along and put me straight to sleep.

And sometimes, you've got to go there to come back.

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

Do you remember the exact moment you lost it?

I do.

And I also remember the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the betrayal and the anger I felt.

You promised.

(Promises are meant to be broken, sure.)

But I already told you - you can't help it if you hurt someone.

So no promises. At least it'll hurt less.

And that's also why I never get too involved; it hurts too much.

I'ld say I love you,

(but fearfully).

"No wonder you like action movie!!"

Apparently, one of the reasons men enjoy action movies so much is because it's a time when 'women are excluded from the public space' (that is cinema theatres).


Really? raises eyebrows*

6.09 AM: "Good morning".

Yes, the trams have started running.