Me and the real Miss Swan.

I don't care that I just spent AUD85 bucks on a mani-pedi. I mean, it's my birthday next week and I deserve some pampering. But the bitch at the place just ruined my entire weekend I hope her shop closes down! Man, that is the same place that gave me some seriously hideous burns the last time I waxed my brows there. I really should've known better than to have gone back; damn me and second chances!! Here's the story (you can tell me if you think she is right and it is all my fault later) about my encounter with the REAL Miss Swan (10, 000 times more a bitch though; the manicurist is from a certain less developed neighboring country with an accent comparable to Miss Swan's):

I went in asking for a 'Full Set' thinking it was both a mani- and a pedi-. I mean, can you blame me?? 'Full Set' on your shop window is just soooo misleading no?! The first thing she said was, "Acrylic or gel?" I've never been to this place before so I thought maybe they had a different way of doing manicures, hence I replied, "Err. Gel?" And then she started cutting my nails (?!) and buffering them (complete with an electric device!), right before she stuck fake acrylic nails onto my own!! I was completed puzzled by now, because I hadn't ask to put fake nails on. So I proceeded to ask what she was doing, and what their manicure included. She told me ("cut, shape, polish, paint...") and I thought, "It is the same. So why is she sticking fake nails on me?!". So I asked, "I want the full set. mani and pedi ya?" (I made sure I implicitly referred to the full as both a mani and a pedi). She probably heard only the first part and not the question, because she said, "Ok, ok."

Later she told me that to remove these nails I would have to go back in and pay another AUD15 and that's when I remarked, "What? Why do I have to come back?". "To remof the nail," she replied.

(For ease of my storytelling, I shall attempt dialogue form henceforth)

Me: "Oh. Is this your regular manicure?"
Bitch #1: "Huh?! (insert Miss Swan voice!) NOH! Thiz iz full seT (emphasis on 'T')!"
Me: "Err. Ok. Plus the pedicure, right?"
B#1: "NOH!! Full SET!!" (she was getting very agitated)
Me *highly confused, as you can imagine*: "Ya...the 40dollars package that includes a pedicure?"
B#1: "NOH! Thiz iz full set! Only hand! Full set! Noh pedicure!"
Me: "But why would you call sticking fake nails a 'full set'? A full set of what??"
B#1: "Thiz!! Thiz iz full set no pedicure! Do you want thiz?? Or do you want manicure??"

She was almost shouting by now, and I really didn't want to agitate her further, cos it seems she didn't understand me very well at all. I meant to ask why they would not intend for 'Full Set' to mean both a mani- and a pedi-, but then she switched between thinking I was accusing her of cheating me and me changing my mind about what I wanted done halfway (which if were true would be a completely valid reason for her to get mad at me). I was so nice to even say it doesn't matter I stick with this AND a pedi, but she was ballistic boy! Crazy bitch then hollered - "IF YOU DUN UNDERSTAND NEX TIME THEN US (ask)!" To which I lost it and replied, "That's what I was trying to do! But you keep repeating yourself! That's NOT the answer to my question!"

Ok, enter Bitch #2, a younger girl who was evidently on #1's side; "what's wrong?" I tried to explain myself and the situation, #2 didn't do nothing to help, and then #1 muttered something in her language (which I assume was a curse word, BITCH) and #2 left. #1 continued buffing my nails with the electric device but she was hurting me and doing it so obviously reluctantly and violently. So I promptly went, "Look lady, if you don't want to do it then don't. I can just wait for the next person."

(I said everything in complete civility, I assure you).

She snapped - "Tat's eat (it)! Go seat (sit) there!" (points to a chair across from her)

So #2 does her job from then on, and poor girl got snapped at by #2 later! This one girl was drying her nails and accidentally touched something (THAT FUCKING HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, trust me) and so she came back asking if #2 could please fix it. #2 rolled her eyes and replied coolly, "I told you it wasn't dry! *slight pause* I can't fix it I'm busy now!" When I turned the girl smiled sadly at me, and I shrugged as if agreeing, "The whole shop's a bitch!" I swear they were all out to get me because maybe, just maybe I undermined #1's comprehension of English; during my pedicure #2 filled the tub with BOILING water and then asked if it was ok. When I said it was boiling, she gave a faint smile and turned the water on. By now STEAM was fucking coming out; bitch put more hot water instead of cold then she forced my legs in!! She seemed pleased and continued the hot water stunt; later when she was rinsing my feet she (deliberately, I'm sure!) turned on the hot water AGAIN and went nonchalantly, "Oops. Sorry." RAHHH!!! I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE! AND NO ONE SHOULD EITHER! I shall not publish the name (it is in Melbourne Central though) in case I get sued for slander or something, considering the lack of tangible evidence on my part, but if anyone wants to know where it is I'm talking about drop me a message on MSN!