And so it is, just like you said it would be.

Crack the shutters open.

2009-03-22T01:57:00.001+08:00

Oh, how I've grown.

I can't make you love me if you don't ;

2009-02-04T03:06:00.004+08:00

I know I left this blog for dead a while ago,
And I never thought I would want to write again.
Not when you inspired most of my writing.
Not with you gone.
But yet here I am,
Because I can't get over this feeling.
Words are so inadequate.
Because on the occasions where I'm reminded of it all,
the sensation is indescribable.
Most of the time, its like someone stuck a finger and dug around the hole in my heart,
And I can't concentrate on breathing because its too intense.
Because when the yawning chasm that refuses to be put to rest is wide awake,
it won't let me forget.
The wound is ancient and the pain is dull,
But it hurts.

It really hurts.
It is so strange how Bella Swan's pain and inability to heal has rekindled all that I have repressed so well, for so long.

Finito ;

2008-03-15T15:24:00.000+08:00

"Good girls keep diaries,
bad girls have no time."

Hahaha ;

2008-03-14T16:55:00.003+08:00

I knew you would read it.

P.S. I hope you even find someone who understands you.

P.P.S. And so what if I don't? I know who I am and I will make that money for myself, thanks. Not as spineless as you think.

Out of order ;

2008-03-12T20:26:00.005+08:00

Just because someone throws a prissy fit, the whole house is in chaos. What the fuck don't they get?! IT fucking says "SIGNAL NOT AVAILABLE" on the fucking huge-ass screen. I didn't fucking go up to the roof to unhook the Starhub wire myself now did I? All the wires I can see are in place, and nowhere near loose. Such shit happens on rainy days (because LIFE teaches you that electrical signals and water just don't go very well together), everyone knows that. So fucking get a life and stop making a fuss about something mere mortals have no control over. I mean, seriously, can you get anymore spoilt? THE SIGNAL IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE - BIG DEAL. IT MIGHT COME BACK IN THE MORNING. AND IF THE "PROBLEM PERSISTS, CALL 1633". YEAH, GO FUCKING LOOK FOR THE PERSON YOU ALWAYS TREAT LIKE SHIT TO WATCH YOUR BACK WHY DON'T YOU? SPINELESS.

Sincerely, I hope you ever find someone who can tolerate your nonsense behavior.

Away ;

2008-03-12T17:09:00.004+08:00

Whoever said that the hand that pets you must surely be the hand that loves you?

Screw emotional connections.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

2008-03-09T13:03:00.003+08:00

I'm obsessed with David Cook's slightly emo-rock rendition of Lionel Ritchie's Hello! I can listen to it like a million (ok, maybe about an average of 5-8, or more) times a day. Obsessed much? And my girlfriends have decided that I like musicians a little too much for my own good. Gah.

I've been with you alone inside my mind.

Don'ttouchmeplease, Icannotstandthewayyoutease .

2008-03-08T21:34:00.001+08:00

Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all

Better in time ;

2008-03-06T12:09:00.002+08:00

I normally can't write without a muse,
or a broken heart.
And guess what, I wrote my first poem in months,
the one original heartfelt piece you were always waiting for.
And guess what?
You don't fucking get to read it.

Just once can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
Why we never last for very long
What are we doing wrong
Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
[...]

How strange

2008-03-02T18:11:00.002+08:00

...it is to be moved by someone else's longing.
情人的思念帶著一種別人不了的痛，
看得我也有一鼓想見你,
擁抱你的匆動.

Never be the same again ;

2008-02-24T22:26:00.002+08:00

From the strange to the familiar,
from the familiar to the strange,
to the surreal -

Who exactly are you?

Tonight ...

2008-02-16T11:52:00.002+08:00

the stage is set,
for a massive showdown ;

Battle of the Wits -
ladies and gentlemen,
is about to begin.

(Why oh why do I like playing with fire)

I think he knows.

2008-02-15T13:52:00.001+08:00

... " ; But my heart will never be your home."

只要你能愉快；

2008-01-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

緊緊相似的心如何 say goodbye ?
你比我清楚還要我說明白 .
愛太深會讓人瘋狂的勇敢 ;
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼 .

Jay.ness!

2008-01-20T12:49:00.000+08:00

Jay's concert on Friday was awesomeness we were so near (in the premier section) we almost managed to grab his hand when he came down the stage! This is by far the best concert of his, and me and Jacqi both agree, since it has like both old and new songs, as well as more thought into the entire performance (fireworks and more dancing - we've got to give the guy more credit!). When he sang certain songs, it did invoke certain old memories, memories I'd rather leave in the box...but in any case, me and Jacqi enjoyed ourselves thoroughly! Pictures (with cheesy 'I <3 u Jay' printed on boards, no less) up soon once I get them!

After Jay we headed down to MoS for a short while, to meet up with Veron. No drinking for me again (tell me, there has to be an easier way to get around Sg than driving alone!) although I did accept one drink from an 'old' friend. As soon as we got bored with the music and being sober, we scooted off to Balestier to eat porridge, part of our/ their stay-healthy plan; the plan failed miserably when we got chinese lap cheong, giam cai, pigliver, and like fried egg to go with the porridge. HAHA.

Sat was super chill-out day, although I was supposed to go for a SMU Masters' talk at 10am. Since I clean forgot until 4am, I decided to f* it and sleep in. Went to the new place to check out the dusty progress, then for a haircut. Starbucks at night with Ron dear and lovely couzz swung by to join us since our Zouk plan failed (miserably again haha). We went to have the yummiest cheese prata at Thompson and the girls left me with 2 oily pieces of prata while they swore to only sin once! Ya thanks ah!! Let me get fat all alone!! Prata with teh is heavenly, but I must really remember never to drink tea after midnight - it gives you the worst sleep!! ARGHHHHH! So now I'm zombie-like.

Me and shirt shopping ;

2008-01-15T02:19:00.001+08:00

The moment I was fishing for different sizes and wrecking my brains about X's size in H&M
was also the moment I realised you had begun to slip away.
I paused, and pursed my lips,
reminding myself that you cannot be forgotten -
I REFUSE to forget you ;
2006
over a year ago I was picking something out for you at Polo Ralph,
something that turned out to be of the wrong size.
It was...
Ill fitting,

just like our entire relationship.
(If one can even call it that.)

You wore it anyway, hoping to please me but not realising that that's our biggest problem - we were always trying so hard to please each other that we were too blind to see that happiness should come naturally and not forced about by constant compromise.

2007
The second shirt I had to pick out last year,

I did so because I couldn't think of what else to get for someone who expected a souvenir from a holiday.

In a way, you could say it wasn't a 'willing' or 'voluntary' shirt purchase.
(I guess you could say that when it is indeed voluntary, shirt purchases come to mean something, subconsciously perhaps.)
The shirt did fit alright,
and I much wish it didn't.

The third shirt. 2008.
Is the gift of a shirt a jinx?
Or will it be true what they say - 'third time's a charm'?
One can only wait and see.

I hate the sound that goodbyes make ;

2007-12-25T14:50:00.000+08:00

The other night I had a dream about you,
And last night I thought I saw you at the very crowded club.
But how very silly,
I know you left like a week ago.
How this makes me feel - ha.
I hope you're doing well,
and smiling more than you ever would.
Merry X'mas, stranger(s).

Happy ending ;

2007-12-22T07:56:00.000+08:00

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
no happy ending.

Kicking the habit ;

2007-12-12T10:22:00.000+08:00

I threw away a tshirt and the ashtray-cup.
And now,
I'm kicking the habit.
Both the fatal ones.

Shhh ;

2007-12-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

But I think I'm gonna miss you the most when I leave for good.
I wish I could stay, too.

A quiet desperation's building high ;

2007-11-10T06:53:00.000+08:00

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'cause this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's a perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'cause this is just a game

And I clicked 'Send' ;

2007-10-27T09:35:00.000+08:00

The end of innocence, the end of ties.
At the end, we only uncover lies.
Lies we believe, lies we see,
After all that's happened, I doubt you'll ever believe me.

So goodbye. And I will be locking this blog soon, to prevent unauthorized access. So if anyone wants to be on the list, leave your gmail add! :)

愛我別走 Part Deux ;

2007-10-22T16:50:00.000+08:00

So. Update, hey.
Well, I have been much occupied with what is the last semester of my Undergrad uni life!
Uni stuff like research, essays, exam preps, partying, shopping (oops I don't know how they sneaked in, really!) takes up most of my time these days,
and Anch is also in Melb visiting so been spending some QT with her in Melbourne whilst I still can.

Also been staying in a lot because my body is failing me majorbigtime.

Here, there, everywhere.
Tash came over the weekend too and there was a great, great cause for celebration so we went out and I drank nothing but Jaegerbombs all night (at least 6, spankyouverymuch)!

And just another to show you I'm well...

(albeit pale as a sheet)...

...and crazy as ever! ;)

愛我別走 ;

2007-10-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

我不敢想的太多, 因為我一個人...

Oh babe, it's been a year. Memory is being cruel
And somewhere in there, is your name.

She's like, so whatever ;

2007-10-16T20:35:00.000+08:00

Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious.
And hell yeah! I'm the mothafuckin' princess!

...what the hell were you thinking!??!

Ironically funny ;

2007-10-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

So, I spent the last 15mins or so on youtube, enjoying a new found video series that basically consists of storytelling-through-picture-drawing - Tales of Existence. And just when I was marvelling at the ingenious idea of being able to convey a story without any spoken narrative whatsoever, I realised that this was so only because I myself had my 'Mute' function on. Smart, Ena, real smart. Hence effectively, I am going to rewatch all of it again! Oh yes, do check it out for a bit of a laugh as you reflect on its reality and matter-of-fact delivery:

How to break-up:

"Phrase 1...wonder if you're drifting apart; Phrase 3: The Back Together - talk about how much you've missed each other, talk about how much better things are now than before...Phrase 5: The Recovery - as soon as you are perfectly happy and content about being alone, get a new girlfriend, and then repeat from beginning" (hahaha!)

Story of my life!

"I have to get ready!"

Oh and also, I was absolutely enchanted by Stardust last night, as I always am with epics of the like. :)

Provocative / innuendos ;

2007-10-13T10:14:00.000+08:00

"I've been looking all night, wanna kiss you one time,
I may do what you like"

- So says Nicole from PCD

As such, I've observed with much success that despite having dinner at home, men like to eat out if not for the sheer variety, then for the excitment at being able to satisfy their palates elsewhere.

(The words you hear - he speaks freely to another as well, my child.)

Tipsy debaucheries ;

2007-10-12T16:05:00.000+08:00

We scratched and won some fantastic Nicole Ritchie inspired sunnies! And of course, what do we do with it? Cam-whore! Duh?! Loves it :)

Uhm..I should've gotten a pot instead of a pint. It even looks toobig for me!

(fyi, I finished it!)

;)

Your love's a gathered storm I chase across the sky.

2007-10-11T15:37:00.000+08:00

I guess we have all made choices we will regret sometime, if not presently. Some choices involve leaving, and leaving behind. Others involve staying, whilst someone else leaves. For most part its true, Reality sucks and truth hurts; my heart aches for you, and every other girl who has had their own heart broken, used, and then trampled on. That indescribable tormenting pain that aches in the most remote parts of your body that you didn't before know existed; that woeful chasm that refuses to be sewn up; that gap, that single wide gap someone left in your heart. One should not be so melancholy, although the weather should pardon the mood.

And since we’re here, we might as well

"Accept that Truth, is absolute, and more cruel than any lie."

- OTH

Such is Life. Welcome, young child.

And I too, am trying to believe in things I didn't before.

Make it work ;

2007-10-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

You understand me
At least you say you do
Lately thats enough for me
Looking for perfect
Surrounded by artificial
You're the closest thing to real i've seen
Sure, everyone has their problems
Thats a given
Yours are the easiest to tolerate
This wasn't what we was wanting
How we're living
But let's take this good enough and turn it to great
Baby understand...

This can only be as good as we both make it
Guess sometimes its gonna hurt (yes sometimes its gonna hurt)
We can be as happy as we want to be ~~girl~~
But we gotta make it work
We gotta make it work...

After the demise of Because of You as my favourite Ne-Yo track from his new album, I conclude that I've found my new distraction!

Uplate update ;

2007-10-10T20:59:00.000+08:00

I was in my lift going back up to the 14th floor, and this girl to the 11th. After the 11th, the lift went a bit wonky and when I looked at the display panel, it said 15. WTF?! The lift also stalled for a bit, and then proceeded to go up to the 24th floor. Argh! Scared and agitated, no doubt. But when the lift doors opened there stood this tall ABC-looking guy. Ooooh. Hottie on the 24th floor alert!
I made a smart decision of writing (with a non-permanent marker, no less) on the missing alphabets on my keyboard, and then promptly managed to smudge ink all over the rest of the perfect little keys! Alex laughs.
Since my anemic episode on Monday (getting out of bed and feeling extremely faint and like I was about to topple over if I attempted to stand up straight), I have not been feeling very well at all; Monday afternoon was horrible, Tues was slightly better with intermittent fainty feelings, but today, it was accompanied by intolerable fatigue and extreme faintness (occurring with even a slight nod of the head). How I even lasted the day, I don't know. But now I must rest.

Just as soon as I'm on top of my life there you are again;

2007-10-09T17:06:00.000+08:00

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Black fingernails, red wine.

2007-10-07T14:24:00.000+08:00

My life stinks. People look at me and they think they see this perfect life, this girl who has everything she asks for and more. But do they know how she feels when her parents don't even bother to get fucking tickets to attend her graduation? I mean, what and who the fuck did she go to University for? Is it so hard to just ask for something so trivial? Some time? To just get fucking tickets to come to Melbourne even for a day? Today, I remember exactly why I left home. And other days? Well, you just lose sight, you just don't know. But my parents suck major bigtime and they think that materialistic goods and money can make up for their lost presence. But guess what? It doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day you are alone and empty inside.

Liberation from within.

2007-10-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

"I never loved you. I settled for you."

- One Tree Hill

3 hours of sleep;

2007-09-29T09:56:00.000+08:00

You kept me up all night.

I don't like it when people keep me up all night when beautysleep's at stake.
Never again;
don't you dare.

Bubbly.

2007-09-27T16:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I brought whole new meaning to "Alcohol improves my foreign language"; I spoke somekind of French with Luke ("Bonjour!"), and Thai ("Alaiwa!!") with uhm, P and Jeremy's friend. Their command of the language is impressive to say the least (especially when Luke told me he forgot most of his French in French). And I believe I was overly friendly/ rude? to everyone new I met last night. No thanks to newandoldfriends with bottles of alcohol. Damn you! Alcohol! Be gone!

Smoke **** everyday.

2007-09-27T15:23:00.000+08:00

'Twas a good night;

Everyone was at Zouk and everyone got wasteeeeeeeed. Oh and, toomanysuppers makes you a fattybombom.

Again.

2007-09-23T13:49:00.000+08:00

I can almost feel the wind in my hair. All over again. Let's keep the good times a-rollin' guys! :)

I like the sound of breaking hearts...

2007-09-22T20:24:00.001+08:00

The best way of freeing up some space on one's hard disk? Deleting photos you never look at/ not of oneself/ especially the not so-good-looking ones (ones without me in it but of gorgeous people? Those can stay. Because I am superficial like that.)

So in the process of entering another chapter for good, I deleted all of the photos with you in it. Some of you, and me. Mostly of you alone. And then I smiled. Because you and me? Never happened.

...that's not my own.

最後的疼愛是手放開.

2007-09-21T18:19:00.000+08:00

And when Mom handed me the slip to sign, I felt like Fate was playing a trick on me; there his name was, right where he made a mark with black ink. Flashback to almost a year ago, when I made him sign it. And then as I was listening to some songs, this came up:



你那麼愛他　為什麼不把他留下
為什麼不說心裡話
你深愛他　這是每個人都知道啊

Someone quoted this to me way back in Jan this year, as a form of a question to me. I couldn't answer. But now, I realise I didn't try to fix anything because we were too unhappy together. And because I care(d) for him the way I do, his happiness was my priority.

So I let him go.

Letting go doesn't mean I care any less. It doesn't mean I stopped caring. Because I never did, not once in the past 8 months. It's been so long. Is it finally time for me to really move on? I will, as long as I know he will never be unhappy again.

Stranded hearts and broken chains.

2007-09-18T10:05:00.000+08:00

There you are and here I am, two different ends of the world,
Obviously not meant to be together.

She may be standing where I stood ;

2007-09-09T13:38:00.001+08:00

I can't believe he SNAP-ed me when we said the same thing the other day. Haha!

[This warrants this - ;) ]

I only think, in the form of crushing numbers.

2007-09-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

I have realised that one of my pet peeves? - people who use smiley faces inconsequentially ;) Basically, as punctuation marks :) I mean, what the fuck?! =/ This - :D - is NOT a freaking comma, (or full stop.) for that matter :P Okay, (example) case in point:

"Hey :) How are you? It was great catching up after so long :) I really had a lot of fun :D But next time, don't you dare sneak up on me like that again ;) Or I will personally dropkick you :P"

Can someone say eww? What's wrong with that? Sounds like a perfectly constructed coherent sentence? Hell, NO! I mean, the grammar and everything is, but NOT the punctuation usage!!! It should be (in all fairness to sentence construction rules, punctuation laws, whathaveyous of the Eng language) -

"Hey! How are you? It was great catching up after so long, I really had a lot of fun. But next time, don't you dare sneak up on me like that again! Or I will personally dropkick you!(!!! for added effect if you so please.)"

RAHHHH >=( so stop it!! goddamnit people!!

Disclaimer: So I am guilty of using smileys too, but only expressively (and when words seem superfluous). Not the whole damn time as freakin' punctuation marks!

So you think you can dance?

2007-09-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

I'm in absolute love with the show! There was a 2-hour Auditions special on ten today, and I am utterly impressed and completely blown away by a lot of the dancers! Popping is tres sexy and this one guy actually (dare i say -) did a better job then Rain! They did the choreography round to my favoritest song ATM Last Night, and its a huge pity I didn't get to see everyone do it! Ok, I know..mundane update. But let me just say I found it amusing that one of the Top 20 guys is named Jesus (pronounced 'hey-sus')!

I know you can hear me
I know you can feel me
I can't live without you
God please make me better
I wish I wasn't the way I am

If I told you once, I told you twice
You can see it in my eyes
I'm all cried out, with nothing to say
You're everything I want it to be
If you could only see, your heart belongs to me
I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch
Come and set me free, forever yours I'll be
Baby won't you come and take this pain away

Love is gone.

2007-09-05T21:25:00.000+08:00

Come and set me free.

2007-09-05T14:52:00.000+08:00

Yah. Great. My AUD130 pair of Bardot Skinnys (mine with gold trimmings on the back pockets) are going for almost AUD100 today. Damn you, MC VIP night! I really should be more of a Fashionista and check fashion-related websites more often, so I'll be in-the-know.

Okay. That's it! I'm going shopping!!

He tastes like you, only sweeter.

2007-09-03T21:17:00.001+08:00

Oh yes. I suppose I should give an (visual) update of my life thus far;

let's see. Where do I start? After the Ball - Prince of Wales after party - Seven - Sleep-ins - Assignment Completion - Uni - Shamiana/ Gravity Bar...

Damien!

Fast friends. :)

Voted Best Friends for Life; Vodka Sunrise, Beer, White Wine.

Nat nat and Ashy; they're like the other two younger siblings I never had.

After party @ Prince of Wales:
Haha, Nat is so cute! She told us to look bitchy and she ended up posing cutely, later explaining that it was s'posed to look like she was going to punch someone!

Pardon the messy hair..I had to show everyone how fabulous my dress is!

Fri night - it was back to Seven! Gosh I heart that place to bits, although its always such a bitch to get in. Atas alert*

*Mon-Wed: Insert going to Uni*

Thurs I went down to Shamiana for Merdaka (sp?) night, which is Malaysian National Day basically. I was bored to tears and when Natazia couldn't get in, that was my cue to leave with her and head to Gravity Bar on Lt Collins. Which was a LOT of fun! They left at 2-ish and I stayed on and partied with Dino til like, 4-ish when they were cleaning up! Then we headed to Chilli Padi for supper. Slept at 5.30am finally!!

Fri I procrastinated somemore, got online and shopped at threadless.com. Their tees are full of cute slogans as such:

Sat I spent watching One Tree Hill and then meeting Nat-nats, Sean and Damien for lunch at QV. Afterwhich I accompanied them to LV and Blvgari on Collins. Our last stop: Tien Ren Bubble Tea! Yummyyy.

I know, I know. All aimless, unproductive events (socially productive = academically unproductive) to procrastinate starting on my essay, which I (by manipulated luck) got an extension for.

Gorgeous, innit? Topic of my essay - New Urbanism; Seaside, Fl, is really quite the residential Utopia!

What you did;

2007-09-03T19:33:00.000+08:00

So, do you think she knows?

***

"The past represents its future,
It advances in a straight line but ends in a full circle."

- The 'Riddle' in Alphaville

I think he means love.

And, why do you think Hope was the only thing left trapped in Pandora's box? Why was Hope there in the first place? Is it there to alleviate the negativity of the other nasty elements? Or was it in there because Hope itself is negative?

There was nothing we could do.

2007-08-29T17:11:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been alone
In a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Golden Tickets.

2007-08-24T08:02:00.000+08:00

The KPMG Commerce Ball was...

full of guys in suits. 'Nuff said. ;)

And the JT tickets were sold out but we managed to get VIP ones for the newly released second show! YAYYYYYY!! AUD180 well spent. :)

Mommy dearest :)

2007-08-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

Yay! Mom managed to snag the much sought-after "I'm Not a Plastic Bag" bag! One for me too! :)

Let's not kill the karma.

2007-08-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

After a lengthy lunch discussion, I've finally come to the conclusion that you may have questions, but life often doesn't give you all the answers you need. But hey, if life gives me lemons, I'll make lemonade out of them (how that phrase came about is beyond me).

When enough is enough.

2007-08-18T12:52:00.000+08:00

But I want to be fixed; undo the lies and the deceit that was the foundation of our destructive and toxic relationship. Make me believe that it wasn't built on unrealistic and unfulfilled hopes and expectations, lies and deceit, excuses and the lack of love for another but too much self-love to the point of excessiveness on the part of one individual. Someone told me friends who really care would never tell me, "I told you so". If that much is true, I'll feel safer moving out of my shell and forward.

"To Love; may we stay away from it when it's no good for us."

- Simone from Heroes

Accidents do happen/ my greatest fear.

2007-08-16T09:53:00.000+08:00

Everything.
Everything came to a halt yesterday, as my world came crashing down.
(Sure, an inner look at my psyche..isn't that what you want? Keep reading then.)
I never thought Anyone to be capable of such insensitivity but apparently it is possible.
Sure, maybe I was still hanging on to some hope,
but that much is lost too;
you've proven yourself unworthy of my Hope, Time, and more.
What little Trust I had left in you has expired.
But it doesn't really matter because in the end,
I know it's nothing but time and a face that I've lost.
And nothing else.
No, no memories.
Don't worry.
You have proven yourself unworthy of petty allowances.
That only thing I have that really reminds me of you and the past 6 months will not be kept,
and I hope that if you even have any respect or regard for our ex-relationship,
you will stop wearing it too.
It's disgusting how you told me that was the only thing that kept you going.
I think I am going to gag.
What is that again?
Stop talking; your lies are making my ears bleed.
I know why you didn't call -
because you ran out of excuses.
Oh. And I can already picture you saying, "It's over. Why do I have to explain myself to you?"
That's just who you are - selfish, and irresponsible.
I wished you showed a little more tact.
It's not even been a month.
In fact, I wish a lot of things.
I wish I didn't repress myself to make you happy, really.
Why couldn't I cut my hair short, if I wanted to?
Why do I have to grow my fringe out, because you wanted it so?
Why do I have to be the one waiting at home whilst you party it up?
Why the hell did I have to reduce myself, so that I could make you feel better?
I shouldn't be sorry for the life I have. It's great. I have friends who love me, and family that (albeit mostly absent,) care. (At the risk of sounding pompous) I get almost whatever I want..I have the chance to study abroad. I get to go travelling if I like. I get freedom. I get a whole apartment by myself in the city because that's how I want it. And most of all, I get to go drink and party to my heart's content because I don't HAVE TO PLEASE YOU ANYMORE. To my friends I ever neglected because I was so focused in trying to fix an ultimately broken relationship, I am sorry. I will make it up to you somehow..the Ena you know and love is back! :)

P.S. You being ever so concerned with your (public) image in front of my friends..it really is ironic that I didn't have to do or say anything for them to have an altered opinion of you. You are your own destructor.

04:30.

2007-08-13T04:35:00.000+08:00

This night, I went to bed in the tshirt you left behind.
Right before I fell into slumber, I thought about the way your hair smells like after you fix it, the way you used to stare at me, your sleepy eyes in the morning, the way my fingers fit snug in your large overworked smoke-stained hands, your obsessive coke-for-water habit, our firstkiss, our first fight, followed by all our petty quarrels, and then of our entire dysfunctional relationship.
And then I stopped, remembering what you said and how my heart dropped at that moment; "memories don't mean a thing".
And although accompanied by some fallen tears, a faint smile carefully broke; I am sentimental like that.
Then I heard,

tung tung -

the sound of emptiness

(and the pet name of one).

Don't say you love me, I don't believe it.

2007-08-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

If its right,
If its wrong,
Would someone let me know?
It's the game,
I can't play,
Do I just let you go?
Maybe it's just the way it is
cos I get the feeling, that you know it's over.

Don't say you love me,
I don't believe it.
Don't say the words,
If you don't mean it.
Don't want to hear it
Out in the open,
Keep it inside,
If you don't mean it.

Think of thou, I shalt not.
Slave of my passion, no longer.
The shackles that held me down are now broken,
Motion in a line and only a line;
raging fires shall now cease to burn,
your cold indifference the Flame's extinguisher.
Rest now, weary Heart,
you have taken more than you can bear.

The world was a mess but his hair was perfect.

2007-08-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

The best news I've received since I turned 22 has got to be that Justin Timberlake's Australian tour includes Melbourne! But then, dearest Justin, you may be bringing sexy to Melbourne but you're breaking my heart; why 5th Nov?? Why the start of the exam period?? :( Oh, I also have to say I am really both pleased and surprised at the sheer volume of birthday wishes I got this year, in the form of local+international texts and calls, friendster and facebook messages; thanks for remembering, everyone! I know I am loved. :) The party extends til tonight, and photos will be up and proper after the weekend. But for now, sneak a peek at the (mostly, with the exception of one guy) all girls dinner party at Tony Starr (great food albeit limited menu, excellent choice of cocktails!) on The Day itself ;

Veuve: "Moet who?"

Aww my girls dressed up! :)

Le Cam-whore ;

Whoopeedoo! - happy birthday to my dearest daddy too!

Are thou a Lover in conceit?

2007-08-07T16:38:00.000+08:00

"...liking, falls widely short of love. Love, is what we can neither resist, expel, nor even alleviate, if we should ever so vigorously attempt it... Liking is a flashy flame, which is to be kept alive only by ease and delight. Love, needs not this fewel to maintain its fire, it survives in absence, and disappointments, it endures, unchilled, the wintry blasts of cold indifference and neglect, and continues its blaze, even in a storm fo hatred and ingratitude, and reason, pride or a just sensibility of conscious worth, in vain oppose it."

- Love in Excess, Eliza Haywood

Since everyone often wonder what constitutes love and what it is that makes us love despite circumstances, I thought I'ld share a quote I find to be almost adequate of love's nature.

"It's not about how you fall, but how you land."

2007-08-06T19:25:00.000+08:00

Despite being incredibly sick, I managed to accomplish quite a number of things over the weekend; on Sat I went down to Fed Square for the Pixar exhibition which was a real eye-opener:

there are 3 elements to a successful animation: character, story, and world;
the Zoetrope was amazing (3-D effects simply just by spinning a platform fast enough);
as the people behind the scenes assert, it's all about 'making something unbelievable out of something that seems fantasy-like';
you get to see sketches of the 'before' process (pastel and pencil sketchings, mostly) and these sketches highlight the tedious thought and formulation process that goes before an animation is finished! there was at least 10 different Edna Modes conceptualized, although thank God for the resulting one which I love much ("ed.nah")!
we also got some sneak peeks of Ratatouille! :D
i hate talented people. :( i can't even draw a proper stick figure!

Words simply don't do the exhibition justice, so if anyone has the chance they should totally go down to check out this themselves! Lunch was late and a heavy one at Shanghai Dumpling House, and we totally over ordered - 1 plate of fried dumplings, a bowl of steamed dumplings in soup, a szechuan hot&spicy soup, and a superduperspicy Tan Tan la mien! Basically food unsuitable for a person as sick as myself. But ah! Guilty pleasures I just can't keep away from! ;)

Sunday was lazy and sleepy, and I caught up with my ex-floormates over dinner at Papa Gino's on Lygon (always a favorite!). We proceeded to gelati at Freddo's (which I refrained from!) and then ended up at Jason's new pad for a short while. Right after everyone had to leave, I went over to Damien's place to get the remaining Ugly Betty episodes (which I have been obsessing over since Fri!!!) and put them on as soon as I got home! I really should stop the UB binge, because it's costing me precious sleep...

Me and the real Miss Swan.

2007-08-03T17:14:00.000+08:00

I don't care that I just spent AUD85 bucks on a mani-pedi. I mean, it's my birthday next week and I deserve some pampering. But the bitch at the place just ruined my entire weekend I hope her shop closes down! Man, that is the same place that gave me some seriously hideous burns the last time I waxed my brows there. I really should've known better than to have gone back; damn me and second chances!! Here's the story (you can tell me if you think she is right and it is all my fault later) about my encounter with the REAL Miss Swan (10, 000 times more a bitch though; the manicurist is from a certain less developed neighboring country with an accent comparable to Miss Swan's):

I went in asking for a 'Full Set' thinking it was both a mani- and a pedi-. I mean, can you blame me?? 'Full Set' on your shop window is just soooo misleading no?! The first thing she said was, "Acrylic or gel?" I've never been to this place before so I thought maybe they had a different way of doing manicures, hence I replied, "Err. Gel?" And then she started cutting my nails (?!) and buffering them (complete with an electric device!), right before she stuck fake acrylic nails onto my own!! I was completed puzzled by now, because I hadn't ask to put fake nails on. So I proceeded to ask what she was doing, and what their manicure included. She told me ("cut, shape, polish, paint...") and I thought, "It is the same. So why is she sticking fake nails on me?!". So I asked, "I want the full set. mani and pedi ya?" (I made sure I implicitly referred to the full as both a mani and a pedi). She probably heard only the first part and not the question, because she said, "Ok, ok."

Later she told me that to remove these nails I would have to go back in and pay another AUD15 and that's when I remarked, "What? Why do I have to come back?". "To remof the nail," she replied.

(For ease of my storytelling, I shall attempt dialogue form henceforth)

Me: "Oh. Is this your regular manicure?"
Bitch #1: "Huh?! (insert Miss Swan voice!) NOH! Thiz iz full seT (emphasis on 'T')!"
Me: "Err. Ok. Plus the pedicure, right?"
B#1: "NOH!! Full SET!!" (she was getting very agitated)
Me *highly confused, as you can imagine*: "Ya...the 40dollars package that includes a pedicure?"
B#1: "NOH! Thiz iz full set! Only hand! Full set! Noh pedicure!"
Me: "But why would you call sticking fake nails a 'full set'? A full set of what??"
B#1: "Thiz!! Thiz iz full set no pedicure! Do you want thiz?? Or do you want manicure??"

She was almost shouting by now, and I really didn't want to agitate her further, cos it seems she didn't understand me very well at all. I meant to ask why they would not intend for 'Full Set' to mean both a mani- and a pedi-, but then she switched between thinking I was accusing her of cheating me and me changing my mind about what I wanted done halfway (which if were true would be a completely valid reason for her to get mad at me). I was so nice to even say it doesn't matter I stick with this AND a pedi, but she was ballistic boy! Crazy bitch then hollered - "IF YOU DUN UNDERSTAND NEX TIME THEN US (ask)!" To which I lost it and replied, "That's what I was trying to do! But you keep repeating yourself! That's NOT the answer to my question!"

Ok, enter Bitch #2, a younger girl who was evidently on #1's side; "what's wrong?" I tried to explain myself and the situation, #2 didn't do nothing to help, and then #1 muttered something in her language (which I assume was a curse word, BITCH) and #2 left. #1 continued buffing my nails with the electric device but she was hurting me and doing it so obviously reluctantly and violently. So I promptly went, "Look lady, if you don't want to do it then don't. I can just wait for the next person."

(I said everything in complete civility, I assure you).

She snapped - "Tat's eat (it)! Go seat (sit) there!" (points to a chair across from her)

So #2 does her job from then on, and poor girl got snapped at by #2 later! This one girl was drying her nails and accidentally touched something (THAT FUCKING HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, trust me) and so she came back asking if #2 could please fix it. #2 rolled her eyes and replied coolly, "I told you it wasn't dry! *slight pause* I can't fix it I'm busy now!" When I turned the girl smiled sadly at me, and I shrugged as if agreeing, "The whole shop's a bitch!" I swear they were all out to get me because maybe, just maybe I undermined #1's comprehension of English; during my pedicure #2 filled the tub with BOILING water and then asked if it was ok. When I said it was boiling, she gave a faint smile and turned the water on. By now STEAM was fucking coming out; bitch put more hot water instead of cold then she forced my legs in!! She seemed pleased and continued the hot water stunt; later when she was rinsing my feet she (deliberately, I'm sure!) turned on the hot water AGAIN and went nonchalantly, "Oops. Sorry." RAHHH!!! I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE! AND NO ONE SHOULD EITHER! I shall not publish the name (it is in Melbourne Central though) in case I get sued for slander or something, considering the lack of tangible evidence on my part, but if anyone wants to know where it is I'm talking about drop me a message on MSN!

You're ; the answer that could never be found.

2007-08-02T10:58:00.000+08:00

Early bird; it's been a while.

2007-08-01T18:14:00.000+08:00

I hate starting at 9am and finishing by noon - I end up wandering around after class, which is highly evil! Not mentioning, I hate forcing myself out of bed in the morning! I literally have to go, "Come on, Ena. You have to get up now. You're going to be late. *pause, pause with eyes shut* COME ON!! NOW!!" Being hard on myself is something I don't particularly enjoy.

Case in point:
I took a 3-hr lunch break with the decandently sinful Koko Black and its Belgian Spoil and Hot Choc for dessert.
Then, on my way home, I walked past Jeans West and a top caught my eye.
So I went in.
You know, for a ''short browse".
Thank God, for I managed to defeat the shopaholic in me.
I walked out empty-handed until Smiggle across caught my eye and broke my winning streak; I ended up buying a AUD14.95 stationary set when all I really needed was a notebook which could really, have cost like 3 bucks at Big W or something.
ARGH consumerism I hate you!
(Although I do really want the Chanel earrings! And the red Tod's ipod case! And ipod speakers! And of course - the Fendi Spy!)

Lust-Haves of the Day:

This Swarovski necklace is on sale online..

To get, or not to get? I really like it!

Understated elegance in this simple piece.

Blingamajiggy.

What a consumerist slave I am! I shall wipe my drool off, take some medicine, watch Ugly Betty (really, my recent indulgence in this series must be the reason for my excessive lust after material commodities!!!), and then sleep some more.

Paris, Je t'aime.

2007-07-29T08:23:00.000+08:00

Wife: And what do you do for love?
Husband: I ache. For who we used to be.

You're so impossible that sometimes I ponder if what you tell me on other occasions is true.

Got this icebox where my heart used to be.

Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

2007-07-21T14:37:00.000+08:00

Grant my last request and just let me hold you,
don't shrug your shoulders.
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me.

Strangely familiar.

2007-07-11T16:02:00.001+08:00

I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play.
But I can't control your soul,
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay.

What I've done.

2007-07-07T17:32:00.000+08:00

I sure am gonna miss:

having 30 over people around all the time;
fighting 10 over girls for the shower at one time;
having to wake up at 6am or earlier everyday;
battling the blazing desert afternoon heat and freezing nights;
panting and pushing myself to finish the climb/ walk;
sleeping in a sleeping bag in a tent;
having Derwyn call me 'cheeky' and Ron giving all of us a hard time for being slow (Derwyn and Ron being our very kind drivers who made the 6, 025km drive possible. Much love to them.);
having the guys laugh at me for being spoilt;
Yingyi for the encouragement and for pushing me to my limits;
living without Internet and facebook;
having a rockin' good time at a local (desert) pub, with beer (beer in a desert. who knew?);
travelling in a bus for most of the day and night;
watching oldies like Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, Top Gun, Season 1 of Family Guy, The Incredibles on the tedious bus rides;
the good friends I've made on the trip;
watching sunsets and sunrises almost everyday;
the plentiful star-filled night sky;
Tuan (?) the Viet guy who always told me "Don't worry. Is okkk." His accent is tops, and he's just such a character, as is Mara, the American-Irish glue of our bus;
and just looking at red rocks EVERYWHERE!

Home, I'm coming! And Central Oz photos will be posted later when I compile them and most possibly when I get back to Melbourne! :)

Between us and them.

2007-06-26T19:42:00.000+08:00

Okay, guys. Come dawn, I'll be off to Central Aussie til the 7th of July! Which means I'll (hopefully) be contactable only through my mobile, but def not through MSN whatnots. Have a great week all you happy people! And by the end of my crazy(-fun) camping trip, I'll be back in Melbourne for half a day and then it's back home!! Yipee! So see you all at the end of the road :)

P.S. I left you guys a song, a remix actually, of Chasing Cars and Every Breath You Take. Loves it.

Click Play! :)

Smile even though your heart is breaking.

2007-06-26T10:52:00.001+08:00

Wednesday
Mom arrives! Lunch was yumcha @ Westlake and then dinner was Oriental Spoon at La Trobe. Well-fed = joy. :)

Extreme left - say hi to Bart! New addition to the family! Thanks to Tash :)

Friday
DFO Spencer. Need I say more?

Huge-ass lobster for dinner!

Saturday
Met Harv in the afternoon to catch Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Loves the new addition much! The Silver Surfer (voiced by Laurence Fishburne) is so cool! And of course, the Human Torch is so goddamn HAWT.

And then at night after a yummilicious home-cooked dinner, I met Ashley and Dani for Ocean's 13, which I really, really enjoyed!

Fave last scene! SNAGs watching Oprah. Haha.

Sunday
Brought Mom to St. Kilda's Sunday Esplanade Market because she loves stuff like that and we got me a gorgeous Silk orange lamp for my new room!

To buy, or not to buy?

The yummiest (and apparently healthiest) burgers in Melbourne at Grill'd!

And then we ride off into the St. Kilda sunset...

Monday

Mom's always wanted to go to Miss Marples because of all the travel programs she watches back home so yesterday, I fulfilled her wish and drove her up Dandenong; we got lost along the way and took an extra 20mins to get up, because Mom completely forgot to rent a Melway! All we had were very brief instructions on how to get there (but not back!). Gah. Anyways it took about an hour up but well worth it because Miss Marples is apparently this famous quaint little cottage for tea (and Devonshire Scones). I mean, tea is one thing and tea tastes pretty much the same eveywhere but SCONES! God I have a neverending obsession with yummy scones and boy, was I satisfied yesterday!

Miss Marples along Mt. Dandenong Tourist Road.

Cosy interiors.

Mamu is happy cos I finally brought her to the quaint ickle cottage.

Spot of tea, anyone?

Cottage Pie for lunch. Pretty bland.

SCONES!!!! Roar! They are seriously fresh and one of the best I've tasted.

The fireplace where you warm your teapots.

(I'm kidding. This is out of commission.)

Don't let the gorgeous sunshine fool you - it was freezing up there!

Gorgeous day; like the roadtrip to Mornington, it started out gloomy and cloudy but cleared up to be quite a travel-friendly day!

This is going to be the face for the next 11 days; Sulky!!

Then I drove Momsy up to SkyHigh, where they had a viewing platform 633m above sea level.

If you look close and hard enough, Melbourne CBD is far, far away in the distance...

When you're on top of the world...

I tried to stop along a couple of parks along the way (Mom loves flowers and stuff) but winter season means everything's dull and barren. Gah. Hence we headed home. Without a map. Got back to the city after 80 mins or so. Not fun driving in the dark in Melbourne!! I hate the lightlessness of Melbourne highways although I do love being able to go at a 100km/hr legally. And Mom did not stop complaining that I drive too recklessly on bendy mountain roads bla bla bla (60km, 70km on long bends.. ok what!). She thinks I'm overly inspired by Initial D! Haha! Mom is really so full of nonsense sometimes, and today for instance, I told her I needed a smaller pillow for my camping trip and she went out and bought a AUD45 silk cushion-pillow thing. It is much smaller then my usual pillows but what the..???

I know that this world has changed us,

Now we're nothing more than strangers.
But do you think about me ever?
Do you think we belong together?

Tainted love.

2007-06-24T09:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

- PCD's rendition of Tainted Love

I don't know! You tell me!

2007-06-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

I got mad at Mom today cos I called her a couple of times and she didn't pick up. I was effin' hungry. And hence, grumpy. I also have a thing against people who don't pick up their calls. What the fuck is the handphone for then?!!?!?!?!?!?

Ground Zero/ Burning Bridges.

2007-06-20T19:36:00.000+08:00

"It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over."

-Paulo Coehlo

I wish I knew better how to, but I guess I have to learn sometime, so why not now? Here's my shot at letting go. Despite everything, despite everything that happened - all the drama and the tears - I loved my Jekyll, but I can't deal with Hyde; regretfully, what they said about "taking the good with the bad" has fallen on deaf ears. Besides, it seems Jekyll has already moved on, and I wish him well. Sincerely.

I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really there at all.

5 hours later.

2007-06-20T08:17:00.000+08:00

I got up waaay too early (read: when mom just landed at 8.45am) and I can't get back to sleep and am extremely bored. That's why;

Soundtrack of your life:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't Lie.

Opening Credits:
Basement Jaxx - Tonight

Waking Up:
50 Cent - 21 Questions
(Yeah, about why I have to get up haha)

First Day At School:
Renee Olstead - A Love That Will Last (??)

Falling In Love:
Sade - Smooth Operator

Fight Song:
Pearl Jam - Last Kiss

Breaking Up:
Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Prom:
Enrique & Whitney - Can I Have This Kiss Forever

Life's Ok:
Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honour Or Humanity
(Makes me wann watch Kill Bill again!)

Mental Breakdown:
Mario Vazquez - Gallery
(I can totally relate to this song so I guess yes, one day I will go mentaaal realising how messed up I am when it comes to relationships.)

Driving:
Rachael Yamagata - The Reason Why

Flashback:
Jack Johnson - Inaudible Melodies

Getting Back Together:
Wilson Philips - Hold On
(This is also the 'getting back' (as friends, duh) song in Harold and Kumar!)

Wedding:
Janet Jackson Ft Nelly - Call On Me

Birth of Child:
Alicia Keys - How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore
(You mean my baby's father is gonna ditch me?!?!!?)

Final Battle:
Corrine May - Everything In Its Time

Death Song:
The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret
(AHAHAHAHA; "you are, the only one that needs to know".)

Funeral Song:
Police - Every Breath You Take

End Credits:
Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow - Picture

And you...I'm sorry I can't love you back.

We go up to come down...

2007-06-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

By the 90th (out of a 100 MCQs) question, I was secretly congratulating myself for making it that far; the 3-hour paper that started 9.30am seemed such a stretch - I was exhausted by 10am what with all that calculations and theory testing. Gah. It was simply full-on. But thank god I'm FINALLY done with exams! Bye bye Academia even if only for a couple of weeks! Hello once again, Life!!

Lunch was at White Tomato on Bourke, affordable and reasonably yummy (sorry Mel :P) Korean. Lunch = destress + bitching session, as always, and after that, I went to Melb Central and Myer's to do a bout of shopping. Did come back with quite a harvest! I just couldn't resist although I kept telling myself to wait for Mom (so she'll pay heh heh). Mom is gonna be here when I wake up! Awesomeness! I am so looking forward to (paid for) good food, shopping, and basically not having to do anything! :) And now, back to where I left off with iLike and MADtv...

If i could i would
do it again
id do it again
i wouldnt change a thing

We have love, and lose love
and do it again we do it again
but thats how we are
we come back just to throw it all away

tell me its over
so we can do it all again
im addicted to this elevator love
tell me you miss me
and i will come back for one more day
im addicted to this elevator love
Elevator love

we laugh, we cry
and do it again
do it again
we go to hell and back

But theres something 'bout you i cant keep away
just cant keep away
we know we'll crash down (we crash and we crash and we)
but i dont want it any other way

...just to turn it around
and face it all again.

Happy birthday Da!!

2007-06-18T14:28:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Ah Da! Again sadly, my exam timetable sucks and holiday plans don't coincide with your birthday like last year :(. But in any case, I'm sure you had a great time with NR the KK and all your other close friends! Definitely should have a follow-up celebration with T11 when I get back! Hang on ok!! And well, nearly 6 years of friendship..what can I say?? Dope!! ;) Cheers to more good times to come! :)

Caffine-Driven.

2007-06-18T07:12:00.000+08:00

So while the rest of you are wondering what to eat, where to go, or what to do in the next few hours, I will still be here, mugging my ass off as I have since like the end of May. So please, spare me your "I'm bored"'s, "Wah, damn sian leh. What you doing?", "Hey what's up?" ("NOTHING except studying.") on MSN. I am not being "away" cos it's 'cool'! I am away for a reason! Ok, sure you may reason, "Then why the hell are you on MSN?!" Cos I still might need someone's help on MSN that's why! So until tomorrow night, speak not to me unless I speak to you.

The soul is willing but the flesh is weak.

MADtv.

2007-06-16T07:25:00.000+08:00

I NEED to get out of the house! I can't study at home and I'm so screwed..3 days to put 24 lectures into my head; sooo tired after the exam last night I crashed by midnight and this morning I snoozed from 6 to 8.30am. And then when I finally woke up I was so sleepy so I decided to go watch one MADtv clip I buffered last night. One thing led to another and...it's been an hour since I woke up and the only thing I've accomplished is watching various MADtv clips! Argh it's so addictive!

Head in the clouds.

2007-06-15T16:43:00.000+08:00

"Is it you smoking, or just the vapour??"

Like Genting, but at least 8 times worst.

Woke up to this - superfog and clouds. It was a crazy 5 degrees when I woke up at 10 this morning, and it hardly got warmer as the day went on; 3 layers of longsleeves barely kept me warm in the exam hall! My thumb nearly broke when I began to write (after inactivity). Also, in other news, I spent most of the day exhaling through my mouth, just so I can 'smoke' (read: vapour in cold conditions). ;)

Staying positive.

2007-06-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

I just wasted half an hour on facebook playing the iLike challenge - that shit is so addictive argh! And in my attempt to beat my challenger, I went overboard and upgraded myself to a Music Expert spank you very much. Okayy now doom. Sleep first study tomorrow morning or study now (and cram the already full head) and wake up later tomorrow? Gah. Choices.

I don't know how you do it.. what kind of magic is this?
Because I sure as hell feel so much better and I know I "can do it". Because you said so. :)

What a lie, you and I.

2007-06-13T17:56:00.000+08:00

You packed your last two bags,
A taxi's round the bend.
You used to laugh out loud,
But you can't remember when.
You lost your lies.
It's like your moving out of time,
And the whole world
crumbles right beneath you.

So, I might've made a few mistakes,
But that was back when you would smile,
And we would go everywhere,
But we ain't been there for a while.
And this I know,
There's a place that we can go -
A place where I can finally let you know.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
We're the only one's that around,
We're the only one's that around this Babylon.

I hope you find
whatever you've been lookin' for.
Just remember where you're from
and who you are,
'Cause there's a thousand lights
that'll make you feel brand new,
But if you ever lose your way,
I'll leave one on for you.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything's to see
that you've come a long, long way,
And it's the place that you should be.

Makes me wonder.

2007-06-11T09:11:00.000+08:00

I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
(Yeah)
So this is goodbye

God damn, my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try (yeah)
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye

I've been here before
One day a week
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause..
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you and I...
and so this is goodbye.

Would it help if I turned the sad song on?

2007-06-07T10:10:00.001+08:00

Location of the zombified body:
Mon - State Library;
Tues, Wed - Criminology Building's Common Room.
Yesterday was a record set, sitting on the same chair in one room for almost 13hours straight (10.30am - 12 midnight). Yes, beat that. The concept of last minute mugging has been redefined by yours truly.

And now?
At the library.
Less than 24hours to dooms day.
I've found that if I take a chance and pick topics, then perhaps I will be able to 'finish' revision prep.
But I've also realised that if I take the chance, it would be utter suicide if the topic doesn't appear on the exam tomorrow.

To do, or not to do.
Life's hardest choice.

Give it to me.

2007-06-03T14:02:00.000+08:00

ARGH final-fucking-ly finished my Cinema essay, and for the first time, I'm actually short of words to make up the word count (I'm normally 500-700 words over the limit)! What a surprise..even Sonz was like, taken aback -

Sonz: "Are you kidding?? So short? Add another paragraph or something."
Me: "I have nothing left to write."
Sonz: "Since when do you have nothing to write!"

Lol. So yep. Relieved but can't help reprimanding myself for not finishing it earlier like a week before as planned. Now I've got to fix up the website (which is the second part of this assignment), finish one more assignment by mid-week and then intensive mugging for the first exam on Friday. I need a lot of luck (or knowledge) for this one, cos I desperately need to ace (or semi-ace) it to maintain my average! Okkk I shall get offline and not be distracted by facebook.

Or so I'll try.

Today is the tomorrow you were talking about yesterday.

It cuts both ways.

2007-06-01T18:34:00.001+08:00

I'm not taking sides;

shou xin ye shi rou, shou bei ye shi rou.

Hey now, hey now.

2007-06-01T14:04:00.000+08:00

Dean left for Singapore last night (awfully jealous, I am!), and I dropped by Loop after dinner to say bye; no drinks of course, I'm on an alcohol detox diet. It's been hard not drinking at all, not even a single drop, and of course, things are even harder when no one believes you! Honest, guys! It's been a month since I last drank! So I sat there with a glass of coke and then lemon lime bitters, with Dean (Sgean like me), Sonz (Thai), Davvy (Scottish-American) and Theo (Greek) and we chatted the night away. Topics like Muay Thai boxing (Davvy and Theo did some form!), kicking someone's arse, Asian stereotypes, Uni, exams, etc..all came out! Loop was such a melting pot of cultures last night :). So whilst Dean is probably enjoying his prata and nasi lemak now, I can only attempt a form of consolation - a countdown!

I will be so glad in 20 days, when my exams officially ends. Right now, I need a lot of self-discipline and luck to get through this; exams suck!

Oh, Tues I went for Yumcha (finally!) with my lovely classmates from the very much dreaded Stats class. As usual, non-stop bitching and laughter..I like :).

Jean and Mel!

Tues Lunch Bunch. :)

Alone again, naturally.

2007-05-31T09:30:00.000+08:00

"Why now? After all the deliberate hurting and the pain you tried to cause, there remains nothing but emptiness. You see the void there? It's empty. Emptiness is a lack of, emptiness is when you're missing something."

***

You're right, absolutely right. There is nothing left, but isn't that good? Cos I heard that that's the only thing that lasts forever. You did this, you took everything and threw it right out the window. This is not real love; love does not entail hurting someone. Love is all about acceptance, about embracing the good with the bad, and not losing 'it' when a bump occurs. It's about getting back on your feet when the bubble you were in burst, about going on in life whilst acknowledging another's mistake(s) and your own. And then being gracious enough to let it pass. That's true love for someone else. Scorn and bitterness cheapens love, and they are the two things that cause you to lose yourself; you forget who you were, you forget who you loved, and then you make the person you loved forget who you are and why they loved you in the first place. You brought on my Amnesia. I have nothing but disappointment, but I can't seem to remember how or when I started feeling this way. All I know is that this void is nagging, as you slowly fade away from my failing memory.

A bruised ego sure can wreck some serious havoc, and I need some time to recover. But why do you care? You never did, anyway. And you know what? Since you've 'washed your hands and feet clean', keep it that way. Don't soil them ever again. Not here, anyway.

Do you have to let it linger?

My favorite letter.

2007-05-30T11:23:00.000+08:00

I always loved you, always cared.
No more hiding, no more repressing my feelings.
Because it's you (it has always been),

you're my favourite letter.

Be there.

2007-05-27T01:49:00.001+08:00

Love me, or lose me.

Oopsy.

2007-05-23T18:29:00.000+08:00

Whilst writing up my filmography for my essay, I wrote Rush Hour's director as 'Brat Ratner' instead of 'Brett Ratner'.

"Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me..."

2007-05-22T20:28:00.001+08:00

Wah, I tell you now - I cannot wait for Thurs!!! World premiere of Pirates 3! Can't wait for more Depp and of course, Chow Yun-fat to say, "Welcome to Singapore" (this is 'haha'. It is in the trailer here too! Maybe it's an international trailer? Love and attention for Singapore!). I already told Alex, I am going to wear my pirate skull tshirt on Thurs!

Now, where did my hook go?

Another Chance (All Over Again).

2007-05-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend...

No one seemed too surprised that me and J broke up; it is almost as though they were just waiting for that day. Although, however, I am surprised that Mom turned out to be the one with the biggest reaction (despite her slight disapproval initially). She went, "Huh?? Why? [...] How?" This is in direct contrast to the, "Oh, ok" (add shrug, or not) I got from the few who knew even. Thanks for the concern a special few have shown, I was definitely surprised at my own handling of the very tough situation. I held up fine for a couple of days, and then, well, me and J have decided to give us another shot; partly because we still want to (try to) be together, and partly because I decided that this might be a good chance for me to learn how to trust another. And then I realised - all the negativity, hate, and anger can in fact be curled into one big happy thought, that maybe it is possible for someone else to actually care. Also, if I (as a student of psychology) cannot learn to form functional relationships despite everything I know, what hope is there left for the world then?

So now, off I go.
Wish me luck.

I want my own puppy too!

2007-05-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

Isn't she the sweetest?? Ollie's such a darling, I swear! Don't have a picture of Maya cos she's too atas and fridgety. But that didn't stop her from planting kisses and licking my hands when I was just sitting there. Such darlings! I want a Maltese too!! They are literally like (human) babies..Maya loves to be held like a baby, and she just rested her head on my shoulder whilst I carried her around heh heh. Ollie just stuck close whilst I was flipping through gossip mags. Gahhhhh!!!! I want!

And tonight, everything will be alright...

//edit.
If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape

(I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)

You let me down
I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out
I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground

So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me

figure.09.

2007-05-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say
I put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free
I, took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

Right now, linkin' park is me.

I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate, to say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So I'm breaking the habit, tonight.

If the shoe fits...

2007-05-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

When you get a new pair of shoes, it's almost certain to hurt your feet in ways unimaginable to most (of the male species). They will never understand why girls have to wear shoes that don't fit well.

(I remember a guy friend once commenting on the then-trendy pointy heels, "How can they be comfortable? They're not even the shape of your feet! It's like you have to squeeze your poor feet into them!")

Self-torture then, I guess. Self-torture in exchange for looking good. And I, I have to admit I'm quite the advocate of self-torture-for-pleasure-or-looking-good. Which is unfortunate. Because that month-old pair of Nine Wests just refuses to be anymore comfortable; despite wearing it every so often, it still bites my last toes. The result? A persistent blister. But I refuse to stop wearing them. Because I am like that - I find that I like to contort myself and force myself into positions that may be uncomfortable and eventually destructive.

...then I'll wear it.

Happy Mommy's Day!

2007-05-13T11:35:00.000+08:00

A very happy mommy's day to my mommy and all the mommys in the world! This is my mommy displaying the only thing she has passed down to me - her compulsive shopping habits!! :P

Whilst everyone else is watching BB...

2007-05-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just found out about MADtv and boy, is it addictive! It's basically like parodies of popular culture; just youtube 'mad tv' if you please, and definite must-watch's are Nicole Richie's Pantene commerical, American Idol (check out the impression of Paula and Randy), Sluts & the City (parody of Sex and the City, of course), the Average Asian skits, and the Korean Drama parody (4 parts though so worth it; wey??; Huh?). I've included a few of the ones I couldn't stop laughing over this afternoon too. Oh, and the Korean Drama parody stars Sung Kang, the dude who dies in Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift! He is so funny as President on MADtv! Hahaha.

Ashlee Simpson and Lip-Syncing:

Memoirs of a Geisha:

"...of the same old crap".

Promiscuous Girl aka Syphillis Girl:

Stuart at a Chinese Restaurant:

Average Asian:

Asian: "I don't know any Ninjas."
American: "Ya, right!"

Good stuff to help kill boredom! Although, I really should be doing some work. Sulks* Alright, alright..just a few more clips...

Sometimes...

2007-05-06T20:44:00.000+08:00

Spiderman 3 was such a kick-ass movie; despite many complaining about its length (nearly 2 and a half hours), I actually really enjoyed it! Loads of CG effects and it's all about the spectacle yada yada but I was completely immersed in the moment Peter Parker becomes this 'suave' (-wannabe) guy and walks down the street. I know many have not caught this yet, so I'll leave it at that before I launch into revealing plot details!! Poor Spidey though - he has so many villians to fight in this one. Must be tiring!!

Red is the new Black. Wait. Or is Black the new Red?

Wiggy kept going, "Spiderman in black - so sexy!!!"

Harry so sexy!! But outside Spiderman, he is such a mess.

Topher Grace from That 70's Show! He is forever dorky Eric to me! He is not evil!! Nooooo!!

Daai Cheung Foo (Men Suddenly in Black) is this extremely funny movie, introduced to me by Harv. It messes with generic conventions, and uses cross-generic elements in what's essentially a comedy. It's not exactly a spoof, but not a very serious movie with its own narrative either. In any case - highly recommended!

Collateral is so boring. I have it turned on in the background, just so there's activity in the apartment. I'm in my study typing this whilst Tom Cruise is shooting someone behind this wall. Yawns. Spare me, really.

It started like any other night. Ya, sure. Except this movie came along and put me straight to sleep.

And sometimes, you've got to go there to come back.

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

2007-05-05T13:22:00.000+08:00

Do you remember the exact moment you lost it?

I do.

And I also remember the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the betrayal and the anger I felt.

You promised.

(Promises are meant to be broken, sure.)

But I already told you - you can't help it if you hurt someone.

So no promises. At least it'll hurt less.

And that's also why I never get too involved; it hurts too much.

I'ld say I love you,

(but fearfully).

"No wonder you like action movie!!"

2007-05-03T11:46:00.000+08:00

Apparently, one of the reasons men enjoy action movies so much is because it's a time when 'women are excluded from the public space' (that is cinema theatres).

Really? raises eyebrows*

6.09 AM: "Good morning".

2007-05-02T04:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, the trams have started running.

Of throwing up and pretty pictures.

2007-04-29T16:07:00.000+08:00

I got unbelivably drunk on Friday; was probably at eve for like, what? Less than an hour! I literally puked my guts out, and am still hungover til now -

(it's been more than 36hours already!).

I have so much more work to do and may God help me, but I've been facebooking and basically 'recovering' on my couch only since forever.

I
NEED
TO
WORK!!

Oh yes, people go get facebook it's so addictive and so much fun!